Saturday, October 11, 2003

Corporate American Hegemony 

It is Friday afternoon and wake up to a call from Mr. Wong. Why do I dish out my cellular number as if it were coupons from Wellcome? Don't these guys know better to call my secretary first?

We urgently need a specifc Integrated Circuit chip before we can give you the final price. It is not available throughout Asia and the fastest we can get it; is after 4 weeks. Can you help? pleads Mr. Wong in my cellular.

Send the details to my secretary and let me see what I can do. I hang up promptly.

Moments later, my voluptuous secretary Phyllis calls me. Phyllis and I share some very precious and intimate moments in life, though this is no time for fun. I stop her abruptly and ask her to find US sources for the required chip.

Aiyee ya you must be a mind reader... How did you know what I wanted to ask? she asks in genuine surprise.

Just find out the sources and mark down the numbers. We shall call them tonight... they are 13 hours behind us. I would rather you get the name of their President from their web site and don't bother with lower-downs as I hardly talk with those without decision power.

We? she asks. Imagining that I would be down there in Central with she sitting on my lap and making the calls.

Yes we. And let us also have dinner before we call... I add after musing for a while.

Dan Ryan's has never changed its menu in 10 years that I have frequented them. So without looking at the menu, I shoot off the order while Phyllis plays with her hair in seductive gestures, playing with a balloon in the booth.

My former boyfriend broke up with me she says matter of factly. "I am looking for one more wife" I tease her mildly.

We finish off the dinner with horse-pee-tasting Miller Lite. She loves it, so who am I to complain?

Back in the office, later on, we put forward our call to a bloke somewhere in Austin, Texas.

It is our company strategy that we don't trade our chips. We only give it to end users and that too after validating the final layout design. We also would like to know the amount of support you need. So if you are an outsourcer, we are sorry.

Phyllis hangs up and narrates the exact word by word interchange, the way I have trained her.

I grab the phone, hit redial and bark at the girl on the other hand... "Pass on to the dude who was talking to my secretary just a minute ago" I say.

Hesitantly, I am transferred to a deep drawl.

I told your secretary... I know what you told my secretary. I cut him short.

I need the chip for Israel, I politely request, not recalling any other favorable place of destination. They have run out of stock and need it desperately.

Ummm... a long pause.

"Are you the President?" I ask. No no, I am the Vice President for Sales.

Good, so get this sale done. We need 9,000 pieces. Here is our fax number and here is the email address. Let me know as soon as you can. We shall arrange payment via local transfer so please send us your routing number alongside the invoice.

Oh Ok says the drawl and I hang up saying Have-a-nice-day without giving the bum any opportunity to ask who I was and why was I commanding in such a rude way.

Having some time on our hands, I inconspicuously turn off the Digital Surveillance security systems as well as all cameras and most of the lights and suggest to Phyllis that we play hide and seek.

In fact, Phyllis and I have played this funny office game [invented by me] many times. The rules are simple...

One of us hides and the other one goes seeking. Once caught, a clothing must be removed. The game continues until both are naked, upon which the reward for both parties is a passionate kiss and whatever that may follow.

We continue the game while in the meantime checking each and every junk fax that arrives... until finally we are exhausted. Phyllis always has a salty tongue. Something I like about women.

Finally we go back to my desk and check the email. Seems the email had already arrived while Phyllis and I were busy pulling each other's dress off.

We will receive 9,000 pieces, FOB Philippines, and the remaining arrangements to be handled by our corporation. Lead time three days as it is weekend. Contact and details of Philippine supplier provided.


I get back on the phone and this time politely talk to the bum. I ask him to hold on while on the other line, I ask my Chicago office to immediately wire them the funds.

Business done the mafia way. Fast and pronto!

With the If-you-can-wake-me-up-from-sleep, I-can-wake-you-too theory, place a call to Mr. Wong in Dongguan and let my secretary tell the sod at 4:00 AM that their chips are secured. Xie xie ne, Xie xie ne [meaning thanks a lot, thanks a lot] is all he can manage.

Phyllis and I drive off to Repulse Bay, our favorite early-morning-love-spot to waddle in soothing waters. The weekend has just started...

Friday, October 10, 2003

Emperor in Exile 

Like the young emperor in forced exile, I wake up still needing lots of sleep.

I usually sleep late and don't get up until noon. Besides, I don't have to regularly go to our Hong Kong office as my wife attends to that part whenever she likes. Also, I hate going to commercial districts where people just parade around in monotonous robotic lives.

Nonetheless, I flick on the monitor switch and observe all the employees tediously working at their desks. The wonders of Digital Surveillance systems via Internet!

I click on the private webcam and talk with my wife, who today, has decided to boss around and therefore is in office.

How many women did you have? is her first question. No good morning, no sweet talk :-(

"Why"? I ask, hesitantly fearing I might have blurted out escapades with Xiao Hung and Xiao Wai while asleep. "None" I lie boldly!

Don't lie to me. The happy baby look on your face while you were sleeping could only mean women. She shouts the way women do when they distrust their husband.

"Oh, must have been the rat wine" I assure her and somehow she seems convinced!

Not that my wife minds my escapades. In fact she is aware about my obsession with women. Somehow, though, women need to be lied to in order to please them. And only Jesus will somehow stop her from reading this blog which I am sure she will find out sooner rather than later!

I must point out though, that my wife is quite understanding. She knows my position and realizes that it is difficult for me to avoid a lot of things which I would or could have under the guise of morality. When it boils down to reality, it is take it or leave it for those in professions like mine. Somehow the financial security overrides morality and I am a whore for the take. Thinking about which, being an entrepreneur or a whore is not entirely dissimilar.

Step into the garden and observe all the beautiful flowers that remind me of women in China. Beethoven, Cookie, and Monkey [our three dogs] look on at me wagging their tails in expectation. I throw some treats to reward their loyalty.

Observe the beautiful Feng Shui fish and hurriedly count them to see if any were dead!

According to Chinese, if a fish dies it must be "Tong Saag" which means that the fish warded off the evil effects of what otherwise might befall the master [my family in general]. None of them are dead. Good.

With nothing else to do... spend the rest of the afternoon reading my favorite blogs The Gweilo Diaries, Flying Chair, Big White Guy and Hemlock's Diary.

It was my wife's idea to get a Thai maid and I somehow convinced her to get three, one for each of our kids. I further convinced her to get a pet dog for each kid as well, thus somehow justfying my own Feng Shui tricks for my house. :-)

Anyway, the door bell rings and all the three maids rush to answer the door. Ng Tai [wife of neigbor Mr. Ng] is asking if my wife was in?

I tell her she is at the office and I am all alone... ignoring the maids, the pets, the birds, the fishes, and the tortoise to the North. The kids have gone to school, I add.

Without invitation, she enters and makes herself welcome on the living room couch.

Ng Tai is one of the best friends of my wife. She is our close neighbor, a lady in her early thirties and perhaps sex starved. Her husband is always away on business trips and somehow she seems unsatisfied.

Knowing my variety of taste for beer she asks what I could offer... I treat her to Saint Omer [a smooth but cheap beer from France]. Soon we are playing dice game known as "dai wa sek" [where basically you lie about the power of your dice to your opponent and whoever loses drinks the beer].

We play for two hours and Ng Tai does not show any signs of getting drunk. It must take a lot of alcohol to get this woman in bed... I muse and finally she leaves.

Wife returns and so do kids and we have a very pleasant dinner after which I shower and jump back to bed. No Xiao Hung or Xiao Wai scrubbing me, but I am not about to ask my wife for the favor least she catches on to what I enjoyed while away.

Thursday, October 09, 2003

Check Mate 

11:50 we wait for you in hotel lobby sings Mr. Chen in my cellular.

Exhausted and tired, I reply "sure". I haven't slept.

Not that I was worried about Xiao Hung and Xiao Wai stealing my passport as well as selling off my organs. But we just had sheer fun throughout the night. Besides, generally Xiao Hung and Xiao Wai sleep in the afternoon and keep up all the night. Who wouldn't... in their trade?

Today is our final day in Dongguan and therefore we are checking out. Another quickie follows with a refreshing shower by two wild naked beauties and I am late [as usual].

Standing in the hotel lobby, I am well taken care of. Like the previous night, I do not have to light my cigarette and even the cigarette is put on my lips where all I do is puff out. Couple of Mainland Chinese men look at me in disgust.

Seems a well known Hong Kong movie star is also checking out. He jealously glances in my direction and smiles with his I-know-you-are-important look at me. I curtly nod and look away indifferently.

Not many Gweilo dare having two beauties cling to them out in the open. For starters, we are not supposed to touch the "virgin" beauties of motherland. If caught, we would be taken to police station and beaten up like dogs. Not to mention the heavy fines and a receipt on our passport in a form of a beautiful chop that ensures we never step again in Mainland China.

I am not worried as the local top shot of the authorities is a good friend of mine. Therefore the... I-know-you-are-important look by the Hong Kong entertainment billy boy.

As we start getting into the car, Xiao Hung and Xiao Wai put on the most tragic expression I have ever seen women put on. They dish out their cellular numbers to me with tears in the corners of their eyes. Come back soon and visit your two Chinese wives... they speak in unison. I give them an affectionate hug and off we go.

This is the final day of our tour and in Chinese business tradition, this will be the day when we seriously talk business. And yes we do!

Pouring over breakfast of Dim Sum, Mr. Wong initiates his plans...

We only take 30% profit on our finished products... says the thug. The thug is lying. This means he takes much more than is apparent.

The finished product in question is the Digital Surveillance System that his factory manufactures and assembles.

Also, they are aware that I am their sole answer to market their product in the glorious United States of America.

"Your prices are too high" I remark and beyond average consumer's budget in America.

So we spend the afternoon debating prices of each and every component and currency exchange rates around the world. The discussion carries on until the final hour of our dinner in Dongguan.

Eventually, I give them a bottom line and my idea of a business deal:

I can market your product with a retail off-the-shelf value of 980 US Dollars. In between, I will have distribution channels and marketing costs. What is the best you can offer?

They are dumbfounded by my straight forward approach. The Chinese don't do business this way. But it is time the Chinese understood our concepts of profitability and reality.

We will answer you next week, comes the meek reply. And with a final cheers and bottoms-up of the horrible tasting Zhujiang Beer, we settle in the SUV.

Mr. Wong, it seems, will stay back in Dongguan and Mr. Chen will accompany us all the way to the lovely borders of Hong Kong.

I deliberately make sure to be the last one to get in the car and vigorously shake hands with Mr. Wong. My Hong Kong business partner, Mr. Choi has already jumped up in the front seat - his answer to puke avoidance - without bothering to shake hands with Mr. Wong.

This man, I again note, can never be a successful entreprenuer in China trade.

And so our SUV roars off on the tollway from Dongguan to Shenzhen with Mr. Chen and me sleeping like dogs at the back.

Wednesday, October 08, 2003

Take 2 

Who do you think should replace Tung Chee Hwa? asks Mr. Chen the Taiwanese owner with major shares of Dongguan facotry, as we consume hot Sichuan food.

Tina Turner I reply. Everything needs to turn around badly... I add. Hoping to end the topic there and then.

It was Mr. Chen's idea to take us for hot Sichuan food when I remarked I had a migraine attack.

Hot food kill you headache he insisted, despite my doubts behind his logic. Not that I hate hot food, I love it. But here I was sweating my bloody brains out from red hot Sichaun delicacies and my headache was getting worst. Therefore, the langur did not deserve any wise replies to his question.

Mr. Wong, the local partner of the Dongguan factory, was also not enjoying. He kept on drinking sip after sip of wicked brand named beer after each morsel and kept making gruntling sounds like a virgin being laid for the first time.

Mr. Choi, my Hong Kong business partner, passed on all dishes and ate plain rice. This man, I note, can never be a successful entrepreneur in China trade.

Even the VIP room looked like a box from a third rate mahjong parlor establishment from Mong Kok. The girls looked like they just finished their day time factory jobs and came over. Taiwanese idea of entertainment definitely sucks!

As if the torture wasn't enough, Mr. Chen suggested we go for a foot massage.

This really kill you headache. Welly nice, welly nice he made the thumbs up sign.

So off we go to this huge place where the only English words on the neon sign said "Foot Massage".

I got an instant hard on right at the front gates. Beautiful girls dressed in what looked like Victorian gowns stood welcoming us. The gowns, were made of transparent - see through - fabric and the first thing I noticed was none of them wore bra. A wonderful pair of boobies a day, keeps your headaches away... I thought. The skimpy thongs too gave amazing sex appeal.

Holy cow jumping on Mount Everest! I was wrong about Taiwanese entertainment taste after all.

Once inside the massage room, my libido did a fast bunjee jump and the headache returned at full throb.

Neatly arranged were exactly four recliners. Girls who looked like factory employees entered in white blouse and black mini skirts with their gear.

So started the horrible foot massage by them dipping my feet in unbearable hot water. Mr. Chen, Mr. Wong, and Mr. Choi fell asleep as girls kept massaging our feet while making horrible snapping sounds of bones. Even a pig wouldn't be able to sleep if someone were pulling it's legs. How could they?

You have beautiful eyes and nose remarked one of the masseurs in Mandarin Chinese. I smiled... and I have a beautiful headache as well, I added. Let me finish your legs, then I do your head... she looked sympathetically at me. Sweet Jesus No! Finish my legs? Did she mean it literally?

This will feel cold she remarked, while applying some brown paste to my legs. It did feel like frost bites from Antartica for sure. And after a while she added This will feel hot. Hot? It felt like I was dipping my legs in oozing lava. But she kept on putting more and more hot towels on my legs.

I must rough up Mr. Chen when he wakes up... I was right. Taiwanese entertainment taste sucks!

As promised, she did do my head and kept massaging the throbbing spots. She kept gazing into my eyes as if we were just about to get married. My feet, in the meantime, reached temperatures above boiling point.

Hai la, I forgot your feet she immediately peeled off the towels and paste from my feet.

Not only was I having a terrible headache, now my feet pained like hell as well :-(

Should have given all the wrong Feng Shui directions to this bunch.

Mr. Wong genuinely felt a pity for me and decided it was time for him to take over the role of host. Once out of the 'Foot Massage', he took me to what looked like a huge pharmacy.

Girls again. Too many of them and all dressed in white robes that looked like the Chinese answer to X Files laboratory. I just informed them all I needed was a pain killer like Panadol or Tylenol.

They didn't have such things. Instead they gave me what must have been bottled sulphuric acid with a straw. Drink this and you should be OK, said one of the senior Lab supervisor. And apply this said another one, handing me what must have been extremely pungent balm. All the above for 50 Renminbi [which equals to one week's pay for most Chinese].

Now we go to Karaoke said Mr. Wong as we settled in the car. Let Virgin Mary be laid! I thought. What have I done to deserve all this?

Mr. Wong's idea of entertainment, it turned out, was trillion times better than Mr. Chen's. The Karaoke private room was well furnished and lined with couches on one side and a huge TV on the other. It also had a private washroom. Something that would come handy later on.

No sooner were we seated, a pack of sexy girls walked in and obediently queued up in front of us.

You select first exclaimed Mr. Wong. Being the most important guest, it would always be me first. Whether it was Rat wine, or Chicken balls, or what have you.

I took my time and finally selected one who was dressed in a pink revealing nightie with 36 D natural boobs plus a great figure and a beauty from Hunan province.

The girls got dismissed. And a new pack replaced the ones who left.

You select one more exclaimed Mr. Wong again. I studied all of them and asked for yet another round.

Finally in the 4th pack, I selected another girl who looked traditional and typically Chinese. She had this flowery one piece and a very decent look. Turned out she was from Guanxi and also had a great figure with 36 C and sharp naughty eyes.

Like Koala bears fighting for the tree, both desparately hugged me. Competition is always good, be it business or love.

In couple of other rounds, everyone selected a girl. I had two they had one.

Not intending to further ruin my night, I insisted that Panadol be brought at any cost. Mama San [incharge of the girls] dispatched couple of guys to hunt for Panadol in the lonely streets of late night Dongguan.

Two Panadols and 15 minutes later, I felt fresh as a baby in a womb. The night started, with me unashamed and caressing 92 and 108's boobs and cunt. '92' it was known, was the Guanxi beauty called Xiao Hung and 108 the Hunan beauty called Xiao Wai.

Everyone started singing and I selected [bless the soul who thought of this number out here in China] "Money for nothing and Chicks for free" by Mark Knopfler and Sting.

Later we all headed for the hotel where Xiao Hung and Xiao Wai showered and scrubbed me as if I were a car in Wash and Wax.

Eventually, all the three of us, naked and wild, jumped into bed. We had to order 6 condoms that amazingly cost HK$100!

Could I have two wives back in Hong Kong and all the fun every night with neither of them being jealous of each other? Guess not...


Either I must be dead or in heavens. I muse, while watching two pilgrims gracefully bow down to me.

Fuzzily I concentrate on them and hear what seems like a prayer:

We tried to wake you up since 09:00 AM and we even called Hong Kong to call your cellular phone to wake you up. Eventually we had to ask the hotel manager to override privacy concerns and open your door.

We thought you were dead adds the second pilgrim.

Recognizing Mr. Choi and Mr. Chen and realizing these are no pilgrims, I get up from bed and walk over to the sofa... still clad in my bathrobe from previous night hanging loosely and young bro standing erect in full attention. Strong dick power? Yes of course!

We wait for you downstairs and then have breakfast chirps Mr. Choi as Mr. Chen looks on [at my dick]. I nod with a dismissal gesture asking them to pour out of my room.

Fully dressed and strikingly sharp, I slowly walk down and am whisked away to yet another Chinese restaurant. This time for breakfast.

Similar barrage of women hit us at the front gates. Each of them looking beautiful, gorgeous, and with a wide spread smile. I ponder how come these women out here can do the same shit day in and day out, just for some measely 400 Renminbi [Chinese currency] per month?

Dim Sum [Chinese delicacies for breakfast] follow and we all eat in silence, with me engrossed in my thoughts.

Here is a country where just-born-baby daughters are exterminated because they have a strict ONE CHILD policy. Having more than one baby means one has to pay a hefty fine of around 50,000 Renminbi [local currency] and lose all social privileges and state sponsorships.

It is a punishment worst than poverty and literally means living like an outcast.

In fact, this policy has created a scenario where the ratio of women to men is 1:4 respectively. This also means that for every man finding a wife, three will go bachelors in this life.

And the obesession of having a male child to carry the last name amongst this populace, also means that this scenario is not going to end soon. One can hardly blame the government. With a record high population and being the highest in the world, they do not have any other option.

Pondering all this, I finish my breakfast, just hoping that those who give birth to a single daughter understand the social values... years down the road. The tables must turn and they are already turning as we speak.

While leaving, I salute as many women as I can see in the restaurant and force them to give a genuine smile of happiness. After all, I appreciate their existence, their struggles, and their hopes.

Women aside, we arrive at the now brightly lit factory. The place is grand, huge, well equipped and the answer to foreign investments.

I am taken on a tour around the entire factory and the tour itself lasts for 3 hours. Hong Kong factory owners can hardly imagine such a huge place as their premises. Not then and definitely not now!

What impresses me the most is the fact that the factory owners provide lodging and boarding for all their staff and their families. Meaning that the owners have gone through the trouble to erect small yet accomodating flats for all the workers and their families. And these flats/apartments are also located on factory premises.

Therefore, if either the father or mother works in the factory, then entire family is entitled to a small apartment or a dormitory that is equipped with communal washroom, kitchen and all the basic facilities necessary for survival. Also included are meals twice a day.

No wonder this country is taking on the world economy. When a stomach is fed and a soul housed, there is nothing to stop the hard work and loyalty.

Somehow, Mr. Wong, the local partner of this Taiwanese factory is informed that I am competent at Feng Shui.

Not that I have given it much thought, but yes, I did learn the skills of geomancy when I ventured in my own enterprises in this region about two decades ago.

He asks me a favor to study the Feng Shui of his place. This actually, is an honor.

I request a Lo Pan [a Chinese magnetic Feng Shui compass] and scribble out all the calculations.

Feng Shui, in reality, is nothing but interesting science that passes off as superstition for the ignorant or the arrogant.

I point out to Mr. Wong that he is a West group person as per the Lo Pan or even the Lo Shu Square [grid of 9 brackets representing 8 directions and the center].

Therefore, I ask him to realign his desk and some other things in his main office. Feng Shui is that easy. It does not require lots of ornamental decoration. Just knowing one's direction is more than good enough.

For those who fail to understand the scientific aspect of Feng Shui, I must point out the simple mystery as under:

4 9 2
3 5 7
8 1 6

The mystery, as I said, is simple...

First notice that any which way you add up the numbers in the above grid, the total MUST always be 15.

i.e. 4 + 9 + 2 = 15
Or 3 + 5 + 7 = 15
Or 8 + 1 + 6 = 15

Or even try all the diagonal numbers and see if you get anything BUT 15.

The number 15 here, signifies the waxing and waning cycles of the Moon. We all know that Moon takes approximately 28.xx days to complete a lunar month, which by the way is also the menstrual cycle of a woman.

So here above are the two phases of Moon = 28.xx / 2 = 14.xx or approximately 15. And that is how Feng Shui goes. For us homo sapiens at the least.

In similar way, calculate your best direction and even that is easy. It is as follows:

Take the year of your birth. Let us say it is 1960.

Now ignore the 19 and just use the 60. This gives 6 +0 = 6. If you are a man, you substract 6 from 10. Therefore, 10- 6 = 4. So for a male born in 1960, his Feng Shui direction or rather the Ba Gua number would be 4. This indicates South East in the above grid.

This is how it goes...

4 = Southeast, 9 = South, 2 = Southwest
3 = East, 5 = Center, 7= West
8 = Northeast, 1 = North, 6 = Northwest

Therefore, in this way, one can obtain their own beneficial Feng Shui direction without spending a cent.

Though keep in mind that for man, it must be 10 - whatever number you get from calculation of last two digits of year in Gregorian [our] calendar.

For woman, it must be 5 + whatever number you get from calculation of last two digits of year in Gregorian [our] calendar.

In case you end up getting 5 as the remainder of the above calculation, then it means center. In this case, for man it will be 8 and for woman it will be 2 [as again 5 + 3 = 8 or 5- 3 = 2].

In case the above seems confusing, keep reading and sooner rather than later you will understand it all.

Obviously, everyone at the factory was impressed that a Gweilo should look at their Feng Shui, the 6,000 year old science of Geomancy supposedly invented by Chinese. This myth however is not true, as actually Feng Shui is the branch of Vedic Vastu Shastra learnt by the Indians first. Later on it was brought to China alongside Buddhism.

Anyway, since Feng Shui is my hobby and not a profession, Mr. Wong decided to reward my efforts with yet more women.

Who says life is boring?

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

Poor Start 

Having created the blog I went to sleep happily... only to be disturbed by the ringing phone. Ms. Yau was on the line.

Ms. Yau is a woman in her late twenties and happens to be the secretary of one of our vendors from Taiwan who is now located in Main Land China [or MLC for short].

My boss arrange you visit our factory at Dongguan.

"Good" I say... still sleepy. Trying to remember how Ms. Yau looks.

Good figure, not so very good face, and poor dress sense. She compromises all these by temporary tattoos of butterflies and roses on her biceps... [which seems to be the current female fashion in MLC].

She has other problems as well. Her communication skills are extremely poor and though being from Sichuan, China, she has somehow half mastered Cantonese. As a result she always confuses the price and payments. We therefore, gain a lot from her shortcomings :-)

Off to Dongguan in the afternoon and after a long ride in a SUV arrive at Dongguan factory site.

This is our factory, but the lights just went out before you came says Mr. Wong, the local partner of our Taiwanese vendor Mr. Chen... He looks at me as if I were the devil who delivered the darkness.

"Good" I say... which is not a very appropriate remark... looking at the ghastly building.

Dinner? asks Mr. Wong. "Why not" I reply and off we all go to some Chinese restaurant.

The place is grand and beautiful. Women are flowing everywhere.

We are greeted by 8 beautiful and gorgeous Chinese girls who are all dressed in long golden silky Cheong Sam. This is the traditional Chinese dress for Women.

It is designed to reveal the exact figure of the woman underneath with very generous cuts on the sides that reveal their sexy legs all the way to their waist. One wonders if they put on any underwear?

I can hardly keep my eyes off them.

Escorted by two of these beauties, one on each arm, we enter the VIP room and I am seated on the best seat which offers a magnificent view of 5 star hotel like government building in Dongguan.

The Chinese host will always book a VIP room for dinner, as only inferior people or peasants are supposed to sit out in general sitting areas. Besides that, even the beauty, the figure, the dress, and the manners of girls serving in a VIP room are grossly different from those in the communal bowl.

This place, it seems, understand men much better than my efforts to understand women.

I cast lusty looks at girls who seem to have different dress codes and styles in this place. Magnetically, I manage to attract a seductress who is dressed in a one piece flowery dress that barely covers her buttocks. She appears next to me and asks Lao Xu Jiao? [Lao Xu is translated to mouse or rat and Jiao is translated to wine in Mandarin Chinese].

My first instinct is not to drink such horrible liquor [Alc. 55%], but how can I offend the beauty?

While I am contemplating... Mr. Wong takes the opportunity to explain that this wine is specially brewed and will give me strong dick power for tonight. I look at the floating dead rat in the bottle and wonder how that would relate to my dick power?

I say "Han hou, han hou" [which means very good very good in Mandarin] while caressing and patting her buttocks. She pours the first glass for me and the rat in the bottle swirls in claustrophobic circles.

And so we continue the evening with all sorts of beauties flowing in and out; serving us with what must have been the most sick dishes on this planet.

I keep groping the ladies given my lack of appetite for the seemingly inedible food.

Bless Mr. Wong for giving me such a great feast of Women... Even if I had to eat chicken balls, fried worms with fried honey bees, crabs dipped in 1000 year old chili sauce, smelly To Fu that was baked until it looked like charcoal and so on. And all of this is supposed to make my dick strong for tonight.

Mr. Wong somehow tries my limits of puke tolerance. He explains; how even the species of male chicken have balls, similar to us male population in homo sapiens. And he goes on to great lengths in explaining that chicken balls are *inside* their bodies, as opposed to ours that are outside.

I give my get-out-of-here look to Mr. Wong while swallowing the surgical balls.

As if that does not suffice, the Castor oil tasting rat wine is puke exciting and so I order Tsing Tao beer for a change. One of the beauties, impressed by my Chinese, whispers in my ear Gweilo lan, hou tai [which literally means 'Caucasian dick is big' in Cantonese Chinese].

In other words, she signals that she intends to sleep with me, but I just look at her and give her one of my "hmmmm" smiles. Actually, I want to jump up and show her mine!

Do these people have nothing but balls and dicks on their mind?

Dinner ends and beauties stand in the corner waiting to serve us. They gracefully come around and wipe our hands and mouth.

Now I take you to Western bar says Mr. Wong... "Sure" I nod as I have never been to a Western bar in Dongguan.

Off we go again for tonight.

The Western bar is pretty small. A crowdy, noisy place, with no band but DIY Karaoke machine in the corner. I am the only Caucasian in the Western Bar.

A couple from Hong Kong are convinced that the DIY Karaoke machine was donated for their sole entertainment and keep singing Hong Kong songs at ear shattering pitch. I wish that all the singers in Hong Kong take the lead of Leslie Cheung and commit suicide.

Before I start complaining about the loudness and noise, Mr. Wong starts clapping in appreciation. The Hong Kong couple bow in our direction and I too approvingly clap my hands as loud as their hideous song remembering the golden rule in China... whatever is your host's idea of entertainment, MUST be yours as well!

It is 03:00 AM Tuesday morning and the crowd thins out. I look around for Women and see some girls serving beer. Mr. Wong comments that the Kingway beer girl is extremely beautiful. So, Kingway beer girl it will be!

While Mr. Wong tries his best to attract Kingway beer girl, I suddenly spring up and walk over to her. "Come join us and have a drink". I command in my fluent Mandarin with a charming smile.

Amazed that a Gweilo would ask, she obediently follows to our table and sits down while making it known that she is decent and does not drink alcohol. We offer her lemon tea.

Mr. Wong is extremely pleased and starts chatting with Ah Wing [that is supposed to be her name]. Ah Wing could be the age of my daughter and therefore I lose interest in Ah Wing.

Two of her beautiful colleagues throw naughty glances at Ah Wing. I spring up and invite them as well. The bar manageress in the corner starts getting uneasy and looks pissed with my behavior... so I spring up again and invite her as well!

Soon no girls are serving in that small bar and other customers leave dissatisfied by the Gweilo. Perhaps they are cursing me on their way out. Let the hell be with THEM.

Mr. Wong, Mr. Chen, and Mr. Choi start behaving like male peacock showing all their gracious talent to court the girls. I feel bored and tired as none of them would have made my rainy day.

Seems the roles are reversed. I act more like a host than Mr. Wong does. Hmmm...

Between all of us we finish about 72 small Kingway beer bottles. As a de facto rule, all of them "bottoms up". That would be around 20 bottles per person on average. However, Mr. Wong and I drink most of the 72.

No wonder the "Western bar" is happy with us as we are most of their business for the night.

Finally, at around 05:30 AM, we say our good bye to the girls who keep up the act of being decent. And with all the odd things that I have put in my system for the evening, I feel I need sleep more than I need a woman.

On the way back, Mr. Choi [my Hong Kong business partner] requests to stop the car. He gets out and pukes like hell while I try to help him and thus ruin my expensive business suit.

Mr. Wong and Mr. Chen get out of the car and watch pitifully.

Who wouldn't? The sod just had three Kingway and NO RAT WINE!

I feel the evening wasted and lost, as this means our host is stronger than us and this baby of an old man Mr. Choi makes me lose my face.

The hotel is OK. But all I care is a warm shower; after which I crash into bed.

re-edited by Ron.

Sunday, October 05, 2003

Sudden Inspirations... 

Early on I realized my peculiar attraction towards women...

Now don't get me wrong. I don't mean just the sexual aspect of the relationships, but rather an overall obsession for this difficult to understand counterpart.

Not that I have become any master over decades of interaction and indulgence...

But observing the way they behave, expect, react, retaliate, and every thing they do has filled my life with this special hobby that has never been boring.

In fact, so much to do in so little time; is one of the reasons that I have not even bothered to put a counter yet.

And please do not expect this blog to be a masterpiece or what have you. This is strictly a venue to understand our lovely gentle sexy companions by painful dissection and analysis of their behavior and them...

If that interests you, then you will always find something new here regarding what they do. This man is eagerly looking forward to it!

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